#AMMConnect Bio a.k.a. Why I Love *Love* and Writing

I submitted my first manuscript to agents five years ago without any clue about story structure (or that there even was such a thing), the publishing world, or the amazing world of mentorships.

After diving into conferences, podcasts, online workshops, craft books, and articles, I can say that I'm far more enlightened and yet feel far less prepared. The opportunity to find a mentor to help polish my YA contemporary and guide me through the publishing world is why I'm excited about #AuthorMentorMatch.

P.S. If you haven't heard of this program, check out more about it here.

Who I Am (in no particular order)

• I love all things happy. Pop songs, sitcoms, and, of course, cute YA romances.
• I read. A lot. (120 books last year.) 
• I love my family. My husband is my biggest cheerleader, and I brainstorm story ideas with our two-month-old daughter. I'm always talking through an idea (or my latest read!)
• Faith is an integral part of my life. While I don't write "Christian fiction", my themes and content are driven by my desire to uphold the true, good, and beautiful.
• My friends make the week feel like the weekend. Whether we're playing rec league volleyball, sharing our hearts over breakfast, or playing board games, my schedule is filled with fun. (See the first bullet point.)
• I am who I am. It's taken me a while to gain the confidence, but I'm striving to be unabashedly me. Whether or not my friends make fun of me for my love of Shawn Mendes and One Direction is beside the point. It's also what makes me unique. (I guess they're kind of megastars, so that might be a bad example, but you get my point.)

What I Write

In two words: young love. Is there anything happier or more hopeful? 

I once heard YA romance described as a story where the protagonist discovers herself and the world around her through her relationship. I'm a big fan of character growth and real-life discoveries. And did I mention love?

Think:

• Windfall by Jennifer E. Smith
• Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins
• Alex, Approximately by Jenn Bennett
• The Distance Between Us by Kasie West
• To All the Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han
• All things Sarah Dessen. 

A Litte About My Work-in-Progress, After I Bid You Adieu:

Nineteen-year-old EVIE hasn’t spoken to her best friend, KACE, since the night before college, after he told her he loved her. Determined to pursue podcasting at NYU, driven and adaptable Evie never plans to return to the town she blames for her deceased mother’s regrets, especially since Kace, ever loyal and thoughtful, tempts her to repeat her mom’s mistake of choosing a hometown boy over her dreams.

When family matters require her to return for the summer, she learns an online podcasting class is her only hope of keeping her scholarship, which is her way out of town for good. The podcast seems like a desirable distraction from Kace and reminders of her mom but soon requires Kace’s help as they unravel a mystery from their childhood. When he asks for answers in exchange for his assistance, Evie must do what she’s spent the last year avoiding: be honest with Kace, face her grief, and decide if career dreams are worth sacrificing her heart.

Why I Write
I've always loved reading. The first story I couldn't put down was Sarah Dessen's The Truth About Forever. As an eighth grader, I remember wondering how anyone could ever tie together a story so perfectly. My young mind didn't understand revision and outlining. It's mind-blowing for me now as I discover the writing process for myself and remember the day I told myself I'd never be good enough to write like her. Sure, I will never be Sarah Dessen, but I have my own voice and my own stories to tell.

I dabbled in writing but didn't get serious until college, when I discovered a character sketch I'd written in a high school English class. I couldn't stop dreaming up scenarios for this character to live through, and so I decided to write them down. I made it my honors project and have been writing stories ever since. It's become almost a need. When I don't write, I feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. There's a pull in me to create stories.

Why I'd Be A Great Mentee
Much like my main character, I'm driven to succeed. I'm devoted to writing the best story I possibly can, and I'm not afraid to dive in and make huge changes to make that happen. I'm in a spot where I have too many options for story adaptations and would love guidance from someone who shares a passion for my story, someone who can bring clarity about the best approach for my next draft.

I'm looking forward to connecting with others in the #AMMFam the next few months!

Temperaments, Tendencies, and Why I'm Failing by Planning Too Much

While adjusting to our newborn baby the last few months, I've noticed my tendency to plan growing stronger. I'm color-coding my weekly calendar by my 2019 goal buckets,  constantly adding to and checking off my to-do list, and finding my Goodreads profile growing with an amazing number of organizational and planning-centered books.

Which is why it's pretty ironic that two of the books I'm reading have to do with personality. Now, I know myself well enough to figure out why I'm doing this. The unpredictableness of a baby's schedule combined with a sudden knock to the routine I've spent years perfecting--not to mention the powerlessness I've felt due to the nature of adoption--all have me grasping at whatever I can to feel in control of my life. But the thing I haven't thought too much about until recently is why I have such a need for control. It's easy to think anyone would do the same thing in my situation, but the reality is that's not true. 

Why I do what I do, according to The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: As a melancholic-phlegmatic (or maybe phlegmatic-melancholic? I never know) I value peace. One of the things our adoption social worker complimented me on was the way I'd come to peace with infertility and saw adoption as an opportunity and gift. I'd say that's the phlegmatic in me--loving harmony--but I think the melancholic motivates me to stabilize quicker than some phlegmatics might naturally do. I'm a perfectionist, and so when my sense of peace is disturbed, I kick it into high gear to get back on track. Right now, I have GOALS (as evidenced by my last post) and even though I logically recognize my life is in transition and I should be patient with myself, I'm still pushing forward as best I can.

Part of my "push forward" mentality has to do with my expectations. Gretchen Rubin points out in her book The Four Tendencies that we all have different responses when expectations are put on us. As an upholder, I react well to the high expectations I put on myself and that society/others place on me. I like rules and pleasing people, including myself. So despite all the changes in my life, when I have goals in front of me and expectations in place, I'll keep plowing ahead. And here's the thing about it: some might think it's crazy to try to do too much at once, or might think I need to relax and slow down. But truthfully? I love accomplishing things. I love order. I love looking at my schedule and seeing exactly what's expected of me from the day. This is how I operate. It's how I succeed. And understanding why I do this is key to living better.

I'm not actually sure if understanding your strengths can strengthen them (perhaps it gives you confidence if you're lacking?) but I am positive understanding your weaknesses is the first step in growing in them. Accomplishing, planning, to-do lists: they're all wonderful things (in my mind at least!) but I recognize how they affect me, especially if I'm not careful. I tend to place my identity and value in what I do. When I cross everything off my list, particularly when it indicates forward motion (not just temporary household chores that must be redone daily - i.e. dishes, dinner, laundry--but bigger things like cleaning out a closet) I often feel a sense of pride and self-worth. And when I don't do it all? When the house is a mess because the day didn't go as planned? Well, then I'm usually a mess by the end of it too. Defining myself by my accomplishments is not only a discredit to my true worth but a set-up for failure, and yet I do it all the time.

If there's one thing I believe God wanted to teach me through infertility and the adoption process, it's that controlling everything isn't the point of life, and will lead you astray if you try. As much as I love planning, I'm challenging myself to be adaptable. To abandon what I'm doing and cuddle my cooing baby when she's awake, not when I've planned for it. To go out with a friend for a drink because she asked, even if I haven't crossed off the day's to-dos. To binge a new TV show with my husband instead of  finish the Saturday morning cleaning. Planning out the particulars of every moment can bring a lot of accomplishments, but it doesn't bring the same depth of life as relationships do. 

Of course, I know I still need to do things. It's important to work and try hard, especially on the things we're called to. But to paraphrase Mother Teresa, God cares more about the fact that we're doing what he asks than that we succeed at it. I put a lot of value in success.

In the end, I'm looking for a balance of doing and being. Harmony. Maybe that should be my real 2019 goal.

2019 Writing Goals

2019 is here, which means it's time to set some new writing goals! 

Following up 2018 feels daunting since it was my biggest year yet: I completed my first viable draft and revised it, let others read and critique the full work, entered (and won!) a few writing contests, received my first partial and full manuscript requests, and yes, my first rejection (that sounds like a bad thing, but I promise you it's the first step toward publication!)

But I know there's more to accomplish with my writing. More I want out of it and more I want to give. Which is why I created a list. Goals are more effective when you write them down. Have you heard that? And even more so when you share them with someone. So here goes. 

• Apply for Author Mentor Match and/or Pitch Wars
• Why? I need solid outside feedback from someone who's been through the process before. It's easy to lose track of the core of the story, and I want guidance on making it the best story it can be before querying.
• What I'm looking for - someone who loves my story and can help guide me. I'm ready to buckle down, I just need guidance on where to focus the energy!
• Continue to learn the craft through workshops/conferences/books in areas I need to grow in
• I'm sure the list of areas I need to learn more about will only grow as time goes one. So much to learn and always room for improvement!
• Revise After I Bid You Adieu (current manuscript) as best I can
• Pick a new story idea and complete first draft
• Query!

Wow - that's a big list. Better start chipping away!